Thalassotherapy? Plantar reflexology? Verbal embellishments on a spa menu can make pampering more complicated than necessary.
Cookie Monsters
Spa-goers fond of aromatic body treatments with ingredients like cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg, ginger, clove and coffee.
Towel Shifter
Masseur who’s too friendly.
Tip Magnet
Hunky masseur you secretly wish were too friendly.
Serena Williams
Person who grunts and moans theatrically while getting a massage.
El Dorados
Gimmicky (read expensive) skin treatments involving precious metals like gold and platinum.
Treatment/Therapy/Experience/Ritual/Journey
3,000/ 5,000/ 10,000/ 15,000/20,000
Buddha Con
The use of Eastern philosophy and sacred texts on the walls of a spa or in brochures to promote services you’re pretty sure have nothing to do with the spiritual practices mentioned.
Influ‑enya
Affliction caused by the New Age-music virus.
Personal Drainer
One who performs lymphatic massage meant to flush toxins out of the body.
Attila the Pun
Crude wordplay on spa menus that threaten spa civilisation. For example: ‘The marriage of FIG.aro’ (Yes, figs are involved); ‘Pedi-colada’; ‘Spachelorette party’; ‘Dew diligence facial’; ‘Scarlett no-haira’.